Wow, i’ve had good hair days for nearly a week straight now… what wouldn’t i give for a webcam with which i could display my wonderful head?(!)
by krisis
selfy-stuff
Final completed: 2 of 4
Preparedness: 5/10
Difficulty: 7/10
Philosophy. I was dreading this final like nothing else because i feel as though i just don’t know the material. Sure, i’d listened to the lectures and went to almost all of the classes; in fact, i even read almost all of the many reading materials assigned to us. However, i was left with this aching lack of knowledge that would surely come back to bite me in the ass during the final.
Surprisingly, my ass is fine. The final was a comprehensive series of three essays, but in all but one case i was entirely well prepared to choose a position and defend it. I was a tad bit alarmed to find myself the last student to still be writing at the end of the final period, but my essay writing skills are entirely based on my experience with Advanced Placement tests, which means i come ready to write for the full amount of time allowed and more if i can manage it! When i brought up my test booklet my professor handed me my last paper, simply stating “Very good.” I figured this equated at least to a B, so i just left the empty lecture hall reading his commentary on my dissection of Sartre’s “The Wall.” Halfway back to the apartment i made it to the last page to see a bold “A” in black pen with the word “Excellent” written underneath.
I might get a B. My election results could actually turn out good.
I haven’t seen anyone from highschool in ages and ages. I had a whole lot of friends in this year’s senior class from my various activities and extracurriculars (mostly because last year’s class was a bunch of idiots), and i haven’t seen any of them more than once or twice since i graduated. And then of course there are members of my own class, who i lost touch with as soon as graduation was over. I’ve just never been good at staying in touch with people when i can’t see them. I suppose i just have a hard time cultivating a relationship over the internet when i know full well i could be cultivating it in person (whereas with ‘net friends i’m fine with just chatting online). Or… or maybe i’m just a lazy and horrible person who is much too into personal time to pursue all of his old friends whether it only be to NJ or all the way out to CA. Either way, i need to ditch the habit.
So, Matt ratted me out in regards to how entrancing i believe Rabi at WockerJabby to be, and through the magic of referral logs she {of course} read it. I just hope she doesn’t think i’m stalking her or anything; i just think she’s really neat.
What’s sorta interesting in the light of Matt’s accusation that i’m obsessed with Rabi is that i’m not obsessed with anyone. No one. And, as much as i whine and bitch and moan about being only obsessed with myself, i tend to fall for people. I fall hard. That’s why this is called crushing krisis … it just works on so many levels. But, not being obsessed is a healthy phenomenon. As much fun as it might be, and as conducive to songwriting as it might be, if i can’t give a girl space just within my crush on her, how could i ever realistically be romantically involved with her?
This whole lack of an obsessive center thing made it hard for me to title the new layout for AMkitchen. I joke constantly that whoever gets the majority of songs written about them on my next demo will get it named after them, but in a way it’s true; i gauge the emotional center of my current performance staples by who they’re about, and inevitably one songs becomes the center of all the others. For the majority of this year that song was “Under My Skin,” but lately i’m just not feeling it as much as i used to when i played it. So, looking at the spread of images from this past summer that are currently illustrating my website, i found myself at a loss for a name or a title song. I wound up naming the new layout ‘resolve,’ because above anything else my writing recently has been showing a sense of resolution. I feel resolved, and I have resolve. Resolve.
Well, actually, in the one that i can recall we fed a man to a bobcat. But, there were extenuating circumstances