Sorry, i’ve got to plug this. Free internet access brought to me (and maybe you to) by the simpsons. Yes, i’m really serious.
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Hooking up the computer in my room? Easy. Installing new dial-up internet software? Fun. Figuring out how to replace the fuse i just blew? … i’ll think up an adjective in a few seconds. Right now i’m headed to the basement … (dramatic pause).
Oh, we have circuit breakers. That was simple. Of course, my room used to be able to handle a bit more than just an air conditioner, and a computer setup. I could regale you with tales of days spent holed up in their with an additional stereo, guitar amplifier, floor lamp, and television. Ahh, those were the days. Anyhow, i’m obviously getting delerious, so i’m headed to straighted the bedroom situation out so that i can blog from the comfort of my own (soon-to-be re-)air conditioned room.
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And so, having sucked me back into the cave of misery that is my house, my mother left me here to go down the shore for the weekend. Not that i was looking forward to spending time with her or anything like that, but it shows what her priorities are.
The ‘home’ posts have all been made via my trusty old Compaq, which has beena round since 1996. I’m impressed at its ability to run several windows of Netscape4 without crashing while still loading everything but the most pretentious of layouts in decent times. However, i am now off to configure my computer for such ‘net play, since it is twice as good as this one in all respects. Be back soon.
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It’s not as though i have some fear of prophylactics or anything. It’s just that i don’t feel like getting entangled in some awful conversation about sex while i’m not having any. And even if i was, i wouldn’t be into having that conversation. As far as i’m concerned, the sex talk began and ended at age five; there weren’t any storks or cabbage patches in my world. Every first grader should see where do babies come from. But, i digress…
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I have a lot of condoms. I couldn’t explain the how and why of it really, but i do. I never buy them or go out deliberately hunting for them, but i’ve got nearly a dozen of them in my room anyhow. It’s actually sortof like a mutant power. You know, healing factor, weather control, and the all important latex magnetism.
I don’t collect them in an sort of deliberate way, and even once i have them they are basically just strewn randomly around my room. It’s not as though i’m seeing a lot of traffic through there, if you know what i mean.
Well, this “strewning,” if you will, turns out to be the most disadvantageous way to store the things. Especially when you’re trying to find them all and put them in the bottom of an innocent box full of tylenol and allergy medication. Especially when your delerious mother is coming to help you move, and she picks up things first and asks questions later (read that as: “No, mom… don’t pick up the monitor” “Shut up, we have to finish so i can go down the shore”).