Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand
by krisis
A conversation i bet you’ve never had with your mother, online or in person:
Mom – Don’t forget that we’re going to the concert on the 26th
Peter – Dude, me forget a Peter Mulvey concert? What sort of crack are you on, exactly?
Mom – Dude, the good stuff!
Yeah, we’re strange…
by krisis
I just cursed my mom out on the phone. It’s a shame that she had to draw my fire, but it couldn’t be helped. Every so often i just get tired of being nice to everyone just so i can be a good person and decide instead to be a huge bitch. My mother called me at work at 9:30am and started whining about how i should break my lease and move home, and it got to the point where i just said “Fuck you,” and hung up on her. I’m sure i’m going to pay for that later, as i’ve never met a woman who enjoys being hung up on, but i don’t enjoy being fucked with, so we’re even.
by krisis
On the phone earlier in the day my mom asked: “Did you wind up breaking up with Selina?” … yes … “Is she okay?” … no … “Are you okay?” … no … … … “Well… there’s an awkward silence. So, erm… anyway…”
by krisis
I spoke with my mom about Selina for the entire ride to the mall. She was proud that i was “adult enough” to break up even though it would have been easier (and happier) for me to stay put. She thinks in hindsight this will all make sense, but what she can’t understand is how unworthy i’ll feel. Selina pointed out in her journal today how beautiful and talented she is … and i agree wholeheartedly. Being with her made me feel wanted, because she actually wanted me, and i needed that in my life for once. The other side of the coin is that i won’t ever know if i’m worth anything to anyone else if i were to stay with her, and i have to know that. I spent so long as someone no one could care enough about to spend that much time with, and at once i’m afraid that Selina’s the only person who would ever like me and hopeful that she was just able to find the traits in me that anyone else could find. It’s not that i want more (more girls, more attention, more devotion, ect) … i just need to know.
Of course, since i can hardly explain it to you i could hardly express it to my mother. She has the eyes of a mother, and couldn’t possibly imagine why anyone wouldn’t like me. Little does she know about all the inadequacy and worthlessness and whatnot i’ve gone through and how Selina changed all of it. And, of course, as soon as i found that i got rid of it.
I guess it’s just getting harder and harder for me to accept us being broken up as we’re apart more and more; i wanted to cheat the process and be able to talk to her every day and see her once a week, and now she’s not even thinking of me and that makes me feel like i’m totally worthless all over again. I suppose i do want to hang us up in relationship limbo, which is nothing but unfair to her. I don’t want to regret missing out on college because i was stuck in a contentious relationship, but i don’t want to finish college knowing that she was the one and i was too selfish to ever realize it. Either way, i’m stuck. Hopefully this way i’ll actually learn something about myself…
by krisis
I’m eating turkey that reminds me of being a vegetarian.
Let me qualify that statement. Junior year of high school i was still on my normal poultry-heavy diet, and there were two events that led up to my turning into vegetarian. One was an awful encounter with an open-faced roast beef sandwich which i’d rather not revisit. The other was peppered turkey from the lunch meat department at Acme. Junior year I brought that turkey to school every day for lunch, with dijon mustard and some munster cheese. Every day. By May, my stomach was in full revolt against the spicy red edges of the turkey, and the mustard that kept it glued to my kaiser rolls. Every night i’d go to bed after having eaten other snacks and a normal dinner, and my stomach would still remind me of the turkey i’d consumed for lunch. I would lie awake at night because of it.
When i told my mother that i wouldn’t eat any more meat, at first she thought i was just being stubborn, and then she thought i only meant red meat. But, when she bought that next batch of turkey it sat in the refrigerator until it was spoilt. She was angry that i had wasted it, but she got the point.
Obviously she still buys the turkey from time to time, as it was in stock just now when i raided the fridge to make myself a sandwich. I didn’t really realize what it was when i took it out and pasted it down to my kaiser roll with dijon mustard, but one bite sent me back to sitting on the floor of the basement hallway at JR Masterman, opening up my bookbag and pulling out a turkey sandwich.