Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

q.o.d.

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I always forget how paralyzingly dumb a crush can make me. It’s funny, because i never really had a chance to have a crush on Selina, so the last crush i had was on the same person as the one i have one on now. Only, this is much worse. Or better. Nevermind. Not to mention that she still reads the page, as does Selina. But, if she had never read the page, she might still think i was gay (which Selina didn’t really find out until i kissed her), so i have to say that in this instance i’m happy that she came upon the address (which i used to stupidly have for all to see in my IM profile). But, yeah, anyway, i need to get away from the computer, because it is my only venue of communication with her, and watching it does not make it boil. Or something. I’m pathetic, and i know it, so there’s no need to remind me.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3134631/

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Well, that lunchbreak sucked. My ID snapped in half and they want $10 to replace it (wear and tear is supposed to be a free replacement), the CD store won’t sell pre-release copies of records anymore (grrrr), and they were cleaning the Green Room so i couldn’t eat my salad down there. But, on the upside, the “girl” was reading my site and suggested a pseudonym for herself.

I’m not sure why i wanted to give her a pseudonym … honestly, it’s not something i’ve ever done on this page before, because it runs contrary to the honesty i usually keep in place. I don’t know why exactly i came to call Selina by that name, and it’s a huge joke to my friends because calling her Selina doesn’t hide her identity at all, whether they recognize her from context or not. I suppose it’s just that when i’m talking about someone romantically every person that i know comes to the page for juicy tidbits, so it protects my private life (and the people in it) to an extent. But, anyway, her suggested pseudonym is going to confuse my friends, so, sorry Teri, i can’t call you Tink(erbell).

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3127570/

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Back to hectic hectic office life, as opposed to hectic hectic convention life. Of course, i tend to miss convention life slightly more than i miss office life. By the way, is there some statute of limitations on when i’m allowed to have a crush on someone new? Having never dated before, i’m apparently treading on thin ice right now since i like someone new. Only, she isn’t new. But, let’s ignore the technicalities for now. Anyway, am i supposed to wait for Selina to get over me before i can flirt with other people? It’s been exactly a month since we broke up, and she’s still reading my webpage and holding the contents of it against me as much as she did when we first broke up.

The boy-meets-girl post from yesterday is what seems to be causing most of the trouble. What Selina doesn’t seem to want to believe is that i put “girl” (we’ll think of a psuedonym for her soon, i promise) totally out of mind for the entire time we were dating, because i only knew how to talk to her in terms of flirting. But, that wasn’t really true, that was my excuse to protect Selina from me talking to this girl at all. In reality, she was the last person i talked to before my audition for Good Woman of Setzuan, and the first person i told about getting my part. So… that’s not just flirting, is it? I honestly found her to be the person i wanted to share that with. But, anyway, i stopped talking to her for two whole months and i’m sorry i did because she’s an amazing person and i missed being able to randomly IM about how much we hated school. The fact that she has a boyfriend now is pointless to dwell on – because i was with Selina when they started dating, and i was in love with Selina. But, it’s my own dumb fault for not seeing her over our break. Like i said in that song… there’s no second chance at the first time.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3126623/

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I’ve only ever danced four slow dances that i recall. When i was younger i didn’t ever really see the point of it … it just was an extended slow-motion hug that turned in circles upon circles to a song too slow to really dance to. Up through my Junior prom i never danced a slow dance, but, finally, at my Senior prom i was convinced to dance by my beautiful (platonic) date Ayelet. That one spin around the dance floor remained my one and only until this year’s formal at Drexel, where i danced another platonic dance with my favourite stage manager in the world, and one with Selina, who was my date. Even though that slow dance wasn’t really platonic at all, it still sorta falls into the “safe” category because we were supposed to dance … there was no risk involved and we obviously liked each other at the time.

Last night was the first time i ever asked someone to dance out of the blue, and she said yes. I stepped on her toes once or twice, she corrected my tendency to lead us in a continuous clockwise spin, and we wound up talking and laughing the whole time. Even though it was just one slow-motion spin within a whole night of dancing, to me it was a first. And there’s a first time for every thing.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3115664/

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Let me tell y’all a story. Boy meets girl. Boy thinks girl is adorable but doesn’t say a word, because he never says these things (in person). Girl reads boy’s website and then asks him if he wants to do something over break. Boy leaves the state, and doesn’t get to see girl at all when he returns (not realizing she lives a stone-throw from his own house). Boy falls madly in love with someone else, and stops thinking about girl as much as he had been. Girl goes on with her life and starts dating a really sweet guy. Boy falls madly out of love. Boy and girl meet again four months later, and they realize they missed their chance one or two too many times for their own good. They hold hands for a while and then say goodnight. The end.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/04/3114035/