Wow, i seem to be two for two on mentions of “porn” and “ass” today. Well, now i’m three for three. How productive. Can i leave now?
by krisis
Just to prove that my co-workers are about as dysfunctional as my family, i just overheard this approximate conversation from three of our admissions councilers filing out of a birthday party:
Gina: Let’s play “either/or.”
Ian: What’s that?
G: I’ll ask you an either/or question, and you have to answer. Like, would you rather be stranded on a desert island with Bob Dole or The Rock?
Eric: You didn’t use “either” in that question.
G: Be quiet, Eric.
Ian: Well, that’s not much of a choice. I’d say neither.
G: There is no “neither!” You have to pick one.
E: Well, they both refer to themselves in the third person, which would get annoying, but The Rock could lift boulders and stuff.
I: Yeah, but Bob Dole would die first.
G: Alright, good job. So, here’s another one. Would you rather have an sexual experience with a guy of your choosing every day for an entire year…
E & I: [insert typical “Touching another man’s pee-pee is a fate worse than death” commentary here]
G: Or, have Cameron Diaz come to your house every day…
E: Would she clean?
G: Let me finish! Have Cameron Diaz come to your house every day to shove a beer bottle up your ass.
You could hear crickets chirping in Russia at that point, i swear.
G: With the cap still on it. [because, obviously they needed clarification]
E: But, would she clean afterwards?
I: Um… when you mentioned a “sexual experience,” could we just watch some porn together?
College Admissions. Very glamorous work.
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You know how i’m always talking about how totally pornographic i’d be with a webcam? Or, alternately, are you a SurvivorCam fan? Well… a small brown box just arrived in admissions, and all it contains is packing material and your gateway to my luscious naked ass. Be very, very afraid.
So, now that i’m this mean php whiz (just nod your head and smile) this whole domain has become so much more fun to update! No more is the drudgery and hand-coding of tens of the same page over and over just to upload lyrics! Never again do i have to manually add a tab to the AniGuitar Archive! So, yeah. What made me think of that is that i haven’t uploaded lyrics for the oft-played “Up&Down” yet, and i was just reading a recent interview with Melissa Etheridge where she talks about write a breakup record, and she says “So instead of just being like break up and break down, it was more like, “OK, all I’ve got to look at is myself.”
I think that’s sortof the point of the song, in a more roundabout way… it’s not about breaking up and breaking down so much as it is about how all of the things in the song are just the up & down of the relationship and the wake of the relationship and that i finally came to the point where “I’m supposed to be friendly to you” just didn’t make any sense at all. Being friendly to someone is a respect that they earn, not a rule of conduct. So, i’m past the up and down and forced civility and just allowed to be a singular person again.
Also from Ms. Etheridge: “Oh, people don’t know how much I identify with Madonna. I’m a huge Madonna fan.” Rock on, Melissa!
Okay, so, we all know how i feel about chicks with guitars and we all know how i feel about Madonna, so i think we all should know that at this point in time i can’t breathe at all without hyperventilating, so i have to blog all of this before i pass out.
MadonnaRama reveals details of Madonna’s opening shows in Europe including the setlist including the following information:
We can confirm the following about Madonna’s guitars on the tour … Witnesses say that her playing on this tour is outstanding … Madonna will play a Gibson Les Paul guitar on “Candy Perfume Girl.” For “I Deserve It” and “Secret” she will pick up a Monte Pittman acoustic guitar … she will play a classic nylon guitar for “La Isla Bonita.” Needless to say, all the playing will be completely live – as will vocal performances.