I’m writing something, and i can’t tell what’s coming out, but soon it’ll be finished and i’ll know exactly what i had to say.
by krisis
heartbreak even -ani difranco
it’s a heartbreak even situation
nothing lost and nothing gained
so i’m 10 years old again
standing in the backyard waving at a train
i feel you make love to me slightly
every time you let a little laugh slip too soon
and the moment passes over us so lightly
it feels like sand blowing over a dune
you try not to let your emotions show
but it ain’t a balloon you can just let go
it’s an ice cream cone dripping in the sun
sticky hands
sticky arms
sticky situation
it’s a heartbreak even situation
one part powerful elation
one part pitiful and frail
and i’m trying to feel my way around
a book of promises written in braille
there is pressure from within this
and pressure from above
there is pressure on our tenuous, strenuous love
and there’s wet wool blankets one, two, three
laid onto my chest
’til i just can’t breathe
and i try not to let my emotions show
but it ain’t a balloon i can just let go
it’s an ice cream cone dripping in the sun
sticky hands
sticky arms
sticky situation
Just when you think Ani DiFranco is just a folk-singer who knows how to funk things up, you listen to the first half of the first half of her new set of discs and are informed “No, really she’s a kung-fu fighter of sound, so you better watch your ass.” She’s so over the extraneous arrangements, cornball lyrics, inability to play a decent solo song in the middle of an album, and nonsense musical experiments. It’s as though Dilate was that violent hint of adolescence showing through the simplicity of youth, and Living In Clip was the treasured family photo album of all the framed little moments up until then, and the next three were all of those awkward teenaged years of trying to learn the way you want to live, with a misstep for every beautiful moment. But now she’s arrived at where she was headed all this time. Everything i’ve heard so far out of Reckoning fits exactly into her sonic puzzle, and while it isn’t what i initially bought into, it’s something i can’t help but like.
By the way, it would seem that i come down against the idea of drunken flings afterall. I did get one comment about them that made me really think for a minute … one of my friends wound up in his utopic current relationship as a result of a drunken hookup, perhaps because the two of them would have never had the courage or momentum to join lips while sober. And, while momentum has never been my specialty, i’d hate to know that i only had the nerve to finally act on my feelings because i was just unsteady enough (in every respect) to lean in for that kiss. Yes, you’re hearing me saying that i’ll take crushing agony waiting here in my chair blocks and miles away over that one intoxicated moment that you’d never be able to explain away years later. Not that you can ever explain any of this stuff to anyone rationally at any point, but at least then i’ve just got the regular reason.
On the heels of that sexy little topic, i got in a fight with someone last night about whether or not i’m a virgin. I was aghast that he not only assumed i got around, but also that he thought i was being coy when i told him i am a member of the proverbial V-Club. It’s not that i’m all that proud of my virginity, it’s just that given my range of “opportunities” i would have to have been a big slut to have lost it by now. Or something. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because i don’t listen to any sexy music…