Talking to my friend Kim, and she mentioned she was wearing all black today to reflect her mood. I thought about it, and then I responded that i wore white and blue today. Clouds. I was feeling like clouds.
by krisis
That’s Crushing Krisis. As in… everything that crushes me, and everything i have a crush on, and all the stupid crippling circumstances i have to slalom through. See, isn’t it witty?
I always forget how paralyzingly dumb a crush can make me. It’s funny, because i never really had a chance to have a crush on Selina, so the last crush i had was on the same person as the one i have one on now. Only, this is much worse. Or better. Nevermind. Not to mention that she still reads the page, as does Selina. But, if she had never read the page, she might still think i was gay (which Selina didn’t really find out until i kissed her), so i have to say that in this instance i’m happy that she came upon the address (which i used to stupidly have for all to see in my IM profile). But, yeah, anyway, i need to get away from the computer, because it is my only venue of communication with her, and watching it does not make it boil. Or something. I’m pathetic, and i know it, so there’s no need to remind me.
Rain pelting my windows and my lamp humming and spinning its wheel of colors at my ceiling and otherwise total quiet because my mouse is just hovering over idle time on instant messenger because i have no life except for the one i invent in my head and then come here to write down. I might as well just watch Ally McBeal.
If you don’t fight for something, it isn’t going to be worth anything if you ever get it. Does that seem straightforward enough? If you don’t go out and after the things you want, instead waiting to see what develops, you’re giving up on something before it ever starts. Of course, sometimes going after something can be just as painful as waiting forever for it. In that case, is the pain worth the eventual result? Is a fight worth a win? Even for a sad little pacifist like me? I only ask because i’m not incredibly sure…