Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

over-achievement

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Somehow, some way, Drexel Battle of the Bands is still a go and i am still the co-chair of the whole ordeal. While this is sucky for me, since i won’t be able to battle for (and win) a spot on the stage at our spring concert, i still get to go on a mad power trip as i judge all of the entries. Go me! Anyhow, this just makes the term so much more busy, and i can’t even imagine how i’m going to make it through. The battle submissions are due the week of the play and the battle coincides with Drexel hosting my fraternity convention… should be fun! Luckily, there are plenty of music fraternity people in the play, and we’re the cosponsor of the battle, so in a way it all works out. It all works out. There’s a mantra for ya…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1911629/

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I am missing something very tangible and yet totally unknown to me. I do well in school, my financial situation is okay, i have great friends, … and yet right now i just feel trapped inside my own life. Maybe it’s just a beginning of the term depression as i see 10 fresh weeks of schoolwork stretch out in front of me, but i don’t want to play this stupid game anymore. There isn’t a liberal arts class at Drexel that can truly challenge me, and i don’t want to be a scientist. Aside from needing to learn more history in general and of art i could literally leave school today and do Journalism just as well as i’ll be able to do it in four years. I don’t need to take a public speaking class, which is the only applicable one i managed to schedule for this term because upperclassmen have scheduling preference over me. But, does it really make a difference? I glossed through every communications class i’ve had so far without even trying to work and my in-major gpa is higher than 3.5.

But, it’s not really about classes, is it? Or, it isn’t just classes. I fill my plate with so many different things because in the end i’m not doing any of them. Maybe that’s why i adore and despise the theatre so much: i can’t fake it, and i actually have to work for it. Anything else right now pales in comparison, and i am looking towards tomorrow night’s rehearsal like a beacon, because tomorrow day will be meaningless and empty. Tomorrow night i will get to have a skill, and to work to better it. Tomorrow night i will be on stage and i will feel like a person. The theatre will be empty, but it won’t matter at all.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1888822/

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The funny thing is, i really almost would drop out of school if i found a reasonable alternative. Me… super-involved, happy… the kind of student that would commit hari-kari if my GPA dropped below a 3.5 for longer than a single quarter. I suppose what makes me remarkable (or, remarkable when compared to an average drop-out) is that i feel like a need a reason. In reality, i don’t feel like i’m getting anywhere. I don’t feel as though i’m being taught a single marketable skill, and i don’t know if i’m ever going to learn any. No one has managed to challenge me while keeping it interesting. Not once. Not since Junior Year of highschool. That year in my american history class i had to research a dead person. We had a picnic in a cemetery and we had to chose a tombstone of someone who died previous to 1900, and we had to write an outline of their life: pictures of where they lived, spouse’s name, what they died of, what hospital they were born in. I’ve never had to even contemplate a task as harrowing, and if a professor asked me to do the same thing again tomorrow i’d drop his class in a split second. In the absence of challenge i’ve grown so complacent and afraid of my own mental effort that i’m actually afraid to do anything intelligently. Should Philosophy have really been as hard as i made it out to be? Would it help you if you knew i didn’t read any more than 20 pages of any of the textbooks? What if i told you that i haven’t read more than 20 pages of anything the entire time i’ve spent at Drexel? Yes… i purposely handicapped myself and at last check i had a 3.6 GPA. It’s days like these i wish i made it into an Ivy League school … but my effort is all circular now. I need a challenge to rise to, but i’ll probably shy away from it anyhow.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1866570/

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The apartment is so deceptively warm that i was a bit shocked by the chill in the air when i finally managed to exit the building this morning. It’s not much of a shock, seeing as fall was getting rather cold for a while there, but after my illustrious Floridian flirtation with retirement and being holed up in the apartment for the weekend it served as a noticeable mark of a new year arrived. I made it to my first class on time, which probably bodes well for the semester as a whole (especially considering that i didn’t make it to my first class on time last semester). Also, there’s nothing quite like getting to class on your first day and having a big fat A handed back to you. Handed back? Wondering how it’s possible? Well, the class happened to be Advanced Recording Techniques, with the same instructor i had for Basic last semester. If only every class were to start with something as positive….

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1836110/

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Truely: Peter is motivated to assertively or aggressively gain personal recognition, status, prestige, and worth in the process of social, organizational, and/or vocational interaction with others. Peter looks for opportunity, challenge, and risk if and when odds are strongly favorable. But Peter does not prefer challenge or risk if they might result in loss of status, role, or ownership. In many vocational activities, recognition is a primary motivator and, therefore, an important asset. Peter probably understands what Mark Twain meant when he said, “I can write for two weeks on one compliment.” – courtesy of Mel!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1811955/