Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

self-aware

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I feel shitty. I was just talking to a guy who i always thought was totally self-confident and great and attractive and wonderful and found out that none of the above was true at all. I always had a certain envy of him inside of me because i had a lot in common with him (build, hair, humor) but he seemed so much more well-liked than me. However, as the conversation proved, he is even less confident than i am, despite all of this. Yet, in the face of all of that, he still has had some interludes with girls who i find to be totally out of my league, and then a couple of miles further than that. So… now i hate him even more for what he’s had with them, but sympathize totally with his inability to tell if he’s liked at all. Shitty.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2030962/

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No one ever agrees with me, but i think people are at their most radiant when they first wake up in the morning. During the night your skelton sorta resets itself, and so does your face. When i look myself in the mirror in the AM i notice the corners of my mouth are higher than usual, and that the little laugh lines i’ve accumulated have smoothed themselves out. Of course, during the day i’ll pick all of that back up, and then some, but it’s nice to be a clean slate for a few minutes before life sets in.

Isn’t it frightening that i already have identifiable laugh lines on my face? I suppose they’re ultimately the sign of a happy life, but i’m not sure that i’m ready for wrinkles before the age of twenty. The alarm clock just went off really blaringly loud, which made me laugh for all of two seconds before the noise got to me and i turned the damn thing off. Matt and i are never here, and i can’t imagine when the alarm was set or for which of us, unless Matt was here yesterday and i totally missed him (which would be pretty funny). I’ve probably spent less time here than Matt in the last week, which is rather disturbing in and of itself. I swear… at this point we’re paying rent just to keep stuff in here.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/2007214/

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So, um, kids, the nominating period for the Bloggie Awards is almost up, and i’m feeling a little insecure. Are you sure you all nominated Trio for best non-blog content, or me for “best unknown blog” or “best new blog.” Don’t you love me? Well… i guess we’ll find out on Friday when the final nominees are announced. In the meantime, go read some more of SBlog2, because they’re talking about measuring their genitalia in pixels, which is pretty low-brow. Always pandering to the lowest common denominator… just like Fox :p

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1985414/

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You might point out with an ironic tinge to your tone that i pour out my heart here, and that’s why i feel so lacking in the rest of my life, but most of what i say here is the sort of thing you find out in the first ten minutes of conversation with me every day. I’m sorta just here… no awful inner conflicts or anything, just standing here. I almost want to feel the piercing pain of my broken bone again just to remind me what the difference is between hurt and happy, and so i have something to talk about. Feel free to point that out to me the next time i bitch about getting hurt…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1888993/

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A search through my archives for the word ‘girlfriend’ comes up nearly empty-handed, and certainly the finds it makes are irrelevant. I said somewhere a few months ago that i just wasn’t ready to make room for anyone else in my life, but i think at this point i need to make room for someone. As it is right now, i have all of these friends who i love very dearly, but hardly any of them feel as close as i want them to be. None of them are a person i’d confide in, because frankly i have nothing to confide. I’m so extroverted within my circle of friends that there aren’t any hidden impulses for me to divulge in late night phone conversations or in the back of class. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it’s left my chest empty. So, maybe i need to make room and find someone, anyone, so that i can feel truely close to someone again. But… how can i get close when i’ve got nothing of my own to give back except my ears? That might be enough to keep someone else around, but it isn’t enough to keep me…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1888869/