Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand
So, i have a lot less hair right now than i did yesterday, and i’m not really happy about it because i look very normal and not nearly as pretty as i usually look. So, until i get brave enough to appear on cam with the new haircut, please appreciate what i’ve left behind…
One final thought before i head out for my Friday night: i really am partially or totally naked in the apartment as much as my cam would indicate. Of the last four occasions of Gina coming downstairs to see me, i have had to put on additional clothing before opening the door all four times. Needless to say, Gina is a bit disconcerted. Anyhow, we’re off to ramble around U-City, hopefully winding up at Aim’s place. Did i mention the members only area of cam archives? Maybe you should be on the notify list… hearing me whine about my life on a more personal basis is a small price to pay for being able to treasure the many partially nude moments i’ve had on the webcam.
I’ll leave you with that.
So, apparently my ass has become a meme . Who knew? It’s just like Ani with “People talk about my image like i come in two dimensions, like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind” … only, my perky ass is the sign of my declining musical relevance, or something. Meanwhile, have you heard about the tiny trouble Ani just had with the David Letterman show? Apparently she can talk about the girl police and her declining mind, but a mention of “white people are so scared of black people” is enough to get her plug pulled. Of course, i think we all wanted to hear “heartbreak even” anyhow. So… i think this battle ends in a tie. However, no matter what the final score, Amy and i have 4th row tickets to see Ani sing those songs and more this October. Rock.
For a while i was wholly obsessed with maintaining my general anonymity on the internet. I was ambiguous about my sex, and my location, and i never ever used my real name for anything. That’s what the internet was for, after all, escaping me. However, i’m also wholly obsessed with revealing each minuscule detail of my life to everyone on the internet: i’m obsessed with blogging, and obsessed with being on my webcam, and totally obsessed with posting my songs. And, i realized today that my obsession with anonymity must be wholly over if i’m sitting in front of my computer for 24 straight hours posting stories about me, pictures of me, and recordings of my own voice. Somewhere along the line my online persona became less of something to hide behind and more of a distillation of what i’m actually all about. Yes, i do cringe or look mildly confused when other loggers read my name somewhere. However, now i find that i actually have friends – friends who i care about and laugh with and shed tears over and miss when they aren’t on. And, i don’t think i can honestly say i had many of those while i was still some nebulous genderless nameless entity. So, hi, this is Peter reporting back to you after a day spent totally not recovering from 25/24. I somehow competently moved the whole mess over to it’s own page, and i’ve almost worked out what the contents of the Best-Of disc will be, and i mailed all of my sponsors. However, my bills are late, my private life is unkempt, and i still need more sleep. Do i sound frazzled enough? Welcome back to normalcy :p
This weekend beat the crap out of me, and it didn’t help any that i got in tonight at 8. A lot of stuff transpired in my head but nothing made it onto here. I was walking home from the guitar store on Friday night and i passed the shell of a dragonfly dead on the ground; it was a battered exoskelton with the middles of its wings gone so it was just like a stencil of itself. I had something really profound to say about that on friday, but now i just wish i had a camera with me.
This weekend was exactly that… perceptions frozen in perfect little moments that don’t really click in recollection. Yesterday i swam for three hours straight, and i haven’t swam for more than a minute or two in over two years. It wasn’t easy, and today i’m in all sorts of aches and pains because of it, but i feel slightly more in shape now. I am out of shape. This weekend is the first time i’ve been in revealing circumstances (swim trunks) and people haven’t remarked on my thinness; in fact, they said i looked as though i had gained some weight. People think i’m joking when i say i feel heavy, but i’m not joking. I feel like some kind of parody of a supermodel always saying she needs to lose a few more pounds, but i honestly can’t stand myself at this weight. I know, i have issues.
People think i’m kidding about issues. I remember as far back as age 7 or 8 not wanting to take my shirt off at the beach because i didn’t like how i looked in just swim trunks. In middle school i got changed in the corner of the locker room because i was afraid that i was chunky enough that i looked like i had breasts (definitely not a valid concern). In high school i wore hospital scrubs in gym so that no one would see the round hairy legs that betray the rest of my build as being something other than slim or wirey. There’s a backstage picture of me from senior year where i don’t have my shirt on, and it looks like you can fit two hands around my waist or roll a marble down the center of my chest and it would stop in the puddle of my belly-button in the middle of my unreally flat stomach. I love that picture. I know that i was unhealthy and too-thin and that it made people uncomfortable, but i felt comfortable and didn’t mind showing my body off. Now i hide it… people at parties remark that i am spectacularly unglamorous latlely and laugh it off when i seriously reply that i feel too fat. And now everyone else is comfortable with my body except for me, and i don’t know which i prefer.