Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

Personal

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Ha! Amazon.com put up a product page for DeanCamen’s IT product, even though no one seems to have any firmly rooted idea of what it is. Or, at least, no one who can say anything about it. While this move by Amazon.com seems fun and lighthearted, its cuteness is compromised by the fact that Jeff Bezos (Amazon bigwig) is one of IT’s major proponents and backers. Is this yet another inside move to publicize the so called Ginger device while still withholding information from the public? It seems a bit suspicious to me…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2225405/

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I’ve always wanted to date someone with their own life, and their own problems and issues. Thinking about some of the people i’ve really crushed upon in the last few years, i don’t know if any of them had enough issues for me. It’s not as though i want to find someone with problems so i can solve them, or feel better about myself, but i think i tend to reduce myself to a much more boring person when i’m faced with someone who is extremely “normal.” And boring isn’t attractive.


Of course, liking someone with issues is a challenge unto itself. You immediately volunteer yourself, either as an answer or a crutch or a balm. Remove yourself from the situation and its like ripping the scab off of a fresh wound – everything looks even bloodier and worse than it did before you arrived on the scene.

I’m an optimist, and i like to think that there’s a middle ground. Isn’t knowing someone really cares about you enough of a crutch when you’re depressed? I always thought it would be, but maybe it was just an illusion. If that’s the case, maybe i should go back to liking boring girls, because i don’t know if i’m ready to play the daily role of a fix to someone’s addictions.

Wow, i really mixed some metaphors in there, didn’t i?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2225202/

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I never blog from my girlfriend’s place, so she has no idea where my page is (though it’s rather easy to find via search engines). While this means less updates for the page, it also means i can bitch about her without fear of retribution :p … not that i fear retribution or anything, but god knows i’ve had issues with not being able to talk about my friends before because they snoop around, so i like the separation i’ve managed to establish.


Okay, so, as you might have gathered, i go over to her place a lot. A lot. There has only been a single day in the last 3 weeks where we saw absolutely nothing of each other. I’m fine with this, because i really don’t mind being intense or clingy or any of that stuff, but sometimes i just want to sit here. I like to sit here. My computer is here. my music is here. My bass is here.


This is apparently a problem, because she has fixed it in her head that i’m coming over when i’m obviously sitting here with a horrible head cold just wanting to ache all by my lonesome. I am a highly rational person, and as such i expect to not want to be near other people when i’m sick – because i don’t want to infect them and because i feel slimy. So, i am staying here.


In case you were wondering, my declaration of staying here caught me a lot of shit because she’s sicker and wants me to keep her company, but she needs to learn how to deal with that. While i would love to be with her 24/7 every day, i would also like to live my own life 24/7 every day, and i can’t totally sacrifice one for the other so they’ll have to find a middle ground. Maybe i’m supposed to give up the comfort of my own apartment so i can be trapped in her tiny dorm room every night, and maybe the fact that i don’t want to do that makes me less mature than she thought i was. Or, maybe she’s supposed to compromise and come here every so often. What i do know is that I am not a child’s toy that can be possessed, and sometimes i like to sleep in my own damned bed.


And that’s as much as you’re gonna hear about my girlfriend for a while.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2225034/

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Blogger just ate the archives again. I now truly believe it is a substandard and unworthy piece of shit, and no amount of arguing can convince me otherwise. There comes a point where usability is eclipsed by total lack of functionality. I’ll be off as soon as i can find a better alternative, even if it’s hand-coding. Cause, that’s better.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2223970/

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Isn’t it funny that i can’t distinguish between an adventurous year and a low-point in my life? It either speaks to how much i trust my television’s depiction of actual life or of how boring my life has been so far that i can’t imagine me doing anything truly fun and worthwhile like visiting Europe, or traveling cross-country, or joining a rock band. I would feel like a much healthier person if i could separate the two impulses rather than merging them in a twisted soap opera amalgam. How would you suggest i make my life feel lived in? Skydive? Play chicken with Septa buses? Walk around my neighborhood carrying something obviously valuable and brace for mugging? I need something…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/02/2221271/