Josh: Hmm…I always thought your blog was for allusions to things that most people know nothing about…it’s like watching a TV show muted, and then seeing “To be continued.”
He’s so right…
by krisis
thoughts
No one ever agrees with me, but i think people are at their most radiant when they first wake up in the morning. During the night your skelton sorta resets itself, and so does your face. When i look myself in the mirror in the AM i notice the corners of my mouth are higher than usual, and that the little laugh lines i’ve accumulated have smoothed themselves out. Of course, during the day i’ll pick all of that back up, and then some, but it’s nice to be a clean slate for a few minutes before life sets in.
Isn’t it frightening that i already have identifiable laugh lines on my face? I suppose they’re ultimately the sign of a happy life, but i’m not sure that i’m ready for wrinkles before the age of twenty. The alarm clock just went off really blaringly loud, which made me laugh for all of two seconds before the noise got to me and i turned the damn thing off. Matt and i are never here, and i can’t imagine when the alarm was set or for which of us, unless Matt was here yesterday and i totally missed him (which would be pretty funny). I’ve probably spent less time here than Matt in the last week, which is rather disturbing in and of itself. I swear… at this point we’re paying rent just to keep stuff in here.
So, i’ve really let my conviction to share my life with y’all lapse this past week, and i apologize. Really, it’s the strangest week i’ve spent in my entire life, starting a week ago today. Or, maybe it’s been the weirdest year of my life starting from then. I’m having this interesting phenomenon lately where some of my old songs seem to be rewriting themselves to match what i’m going through right now; by swapping in something as small as a single word the whole intent of a song can change. “Under My Skin” became a different song on Sunday when i was singing it for someone, because i got stuck on the line “i don’t miss you anymore,” and rather than continuing on in the song i turned it into this cathartic 30-second long repetition with my voice rising in volume every time, only to finally calm for the “i’m not allowed to… but you’re under my skin.” Sure, she’s still under my skin, but i’m not allowed to miss her in a very different way now compared to how it used to be. >sigh
I’m dying. Really. I mean… life right now is a really good life, but there are a lot of really shitty parts of it. I hate my classes. I keep telling myself that i’m going to drop one or two but i still have 19 credits. Classes are the main problem… without them i’d have enough time to deal with everything else so that it was all good. I need to go to physical therapy for my collarbone, but i don’t have any time for it. I have play rehearsal every night this week; i think i need to miss one of my co-op interviews. If i miss it, i might get into trouble. I interviewed last week for the only job i want… let’s all pray they pick me. Anyhow… despite all my bitching, life is good. Life is good. Good.
Do you ever have that sensation where you’ve been looking at something for so long that it starts looking like something entirely else? One day i inadvertently was gazing at my kitchen table and after a long while the forks on it stopped making sense to me. I just… didn’t think they looked like forks anymore, and i wasn’t sure if i could use them correctly.