Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

high school

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I’m sortof stuck here doing nothing while i upload all of the things that Gina and I just recorded, so now i have some time to blog. I’ll work from the newer songs back.

Rabi just asked if “You Hear Her” was new, since she didn’t recognize it, but it’s actually one of the oldest songs i recorded for this; its from July of 1998. “You Hear Her” was the first song that came to me totally as ad-lib, as you can easily tell from the simplicity of the chord structure and lyrics. I wrote it after a brief phone-call with my friend Sara, who at the time was feeling especially plain and ignored by the boy she was after. So, i wrote her a song to cheer her up. I remember setting the phone on its side next to the speaker so that she could hear the real-audio of it. “More Than That” is from Relief, and to me it will always be the after-thought song … i wanted to have one more on the disc but i flubbed “No Second Chance,” so it was the only one i had left from the recording sessions. It’s actually not about a relationship at all, but about dealing with friends and roommates, which is why the person i’m singing to is a male.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4786264/

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The loins of my beloved highschool seem to have produced yet another blogger in Brendan, who has all of that tech cred i keep attempting to gain but isn’t even going to school to put it to good use. To prove how collectively demented and omnisexual our highschool made us when it comes to being starfucking gradegrubbing whores, here’s a snippet of conversation about the aforementioned attending of next year’s SxSW:


Brendan: I don’t know where I’d stay. It wouldn’t matter, though; I’d be, like, “Oooh, cool internet people! They’re almost like celebrities!”

Me: Yeah, well, my goal is to be on the verge of celebrity by then, and then just pretend to be (Ernie/KevRock)’s boywhore until everyone starts to notice me

Brendan: That’d work.

Brendan: I could be Ernie/whomever’s rented armcandy, or something.

There’s my quality pre-collegiate liberal arts education hard at work. I love me those Blue-Ribbon School of Excellence Magnet Schools. Mmm-mmmm good.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/07/4593084/

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Six of us from high school are clustered around my glowy lamp talking about which hallucinagenics would be really compatible with it if we did the right kinds of drugs. Not that this is going to be all about the webcam now or anything, but i just think it’s cool that we have a whole party clustered around my webcam… if only we were all naked. I’ll work on it… now back to drugs!

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/4103112/

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#15 is true. Up until i stopped knowing what i wanted to be, i wanted to be a veterinarian. I knew it, and my whole family knew it, and it was a fact. Then, high school came along. Biology… not a problem. Math… not my favourite, but doable. However, definitely the class that put me off to any career in the sciences was the dreaded Chemistry.


Granted, i actually enjoy Chemistry a good deal more than it’s ugly sidekick Physics, but our school’s Chemistry teacher was nearly certifiably insane and all i ever learned from her is how to make sourpatch kids burst into coloured flames and launch across the room. From the first quarter of Sophomore year onwards, i knew that my being a puppy-doctor was out of the question (also, my dear mother had the presence of mind to point out that i am deathly afraid of dogs over a third of my body weight or with teeth significantly larger than mine). I slowly edged away from it… first saying i would be a psychiatrist (could you picture me in med school? what a train wreck that would’ve been), then downgrading to a psychologist (i was pretty serious about that until i found out that psychology majors don’t usually wind up as psychologists), and then just winding up undecided in my Senior year of highschool (which definitely hurt my college application process, but oh well).

What i’m left with now is a patented fear of all things quantitative. Nevermind that Biology is my favourite subject and that i used to be the Christian league math champion – i just don’t feel like my head is fit to contain scientific knowledge. On the other end of things, i scoff at academians and their philosophy and sociology (and, dear god, who would ever want to be a lawyer? Not i…). So i’m left here with journalism, by default.

Of course, journalism is what i actually want to do, but i think i want to do it a little too much. My vision of being a journalist is something like someone’s vision of being an astronaut; i know i’m technically capable of it but i just can’t picture it ever happened. Add to that the fact that i really only want to be a magazine journalist and not a newspaper journalist, and that i’m going to a school that tends to graduate people into neither of the above fields, and you find out that my entire life is royally fucked and that i want to take a do-over. Or, maybe just a do-over from when i wrote undecided on my college applications, or from when i decided i hated Chemistry (and by extension all other sciences), or from when learning stopped fascinating me too early to learn the things i should’ve learned so i could stay fascinated. And here i am claiming all i could ever know how to do is just mingle fact and opinion day in and day out, and there’s not necessarily a lucrative market for that. But i don’t get a do-over, just a “please pull forward.”


Fuck. I think i’m going to go and cry now.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3891375/

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The only person i’ve ever consciously cut out of my life without a single look back was one of my best friends. One day i just realized that even though i trusted him and enjoyed talking to him i was a worse person for the wear. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean they’re anything good for you – and when i finally realized that i knew i had to simply say goodbye because i wasn’t a strong enough person to deal with him from day to day. I don’t know what i would’ve done if i had i keep seeing him every day; trying to combine civility (because he never did anything wrong) with my urge to erase him wholly from my life. I don’t think it would’ve worked out. I probably would have wound up worse for the wear of trying to be nice to him than i would have if i had kept being his friend. I’m honestly just not mature enough to find that middle ground. So i’m stuck right where i’m standing. Again.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/05/3618757/