Well, as violent mood-swings go, that one lasted a little bit less than 24 hours.
by krisis
thoughts
Damnit, i’m much too tired to do this metaphorical bullshit effectively. Anyway, i have to go to class. Blagh.
I don’t really have a defined audience for this little escapade, you know? It’s just intended for anyone who wanders in off of the proverbial virtual street. I don’t say much about myself on my About page, i don’t have any “definitive” posts (though i do have a multi-thousand word “Best Of” section), and i don’t tend to give much background other than a backlink here or there — so it’s really up to the reader to define me through my words. I never really think about the introduction of a new reader to my page… how they define their context of me, or what they like about what i’m saying. They’re reading, so they must like something, right?
What i do have, though, is a little mental check-list of people who aren’t reading. My mother. My associates in the Admissions Office. My roommates. It’s not as though i’m saying things that i wouldn’t ever let them hear, but i would probably be a little bit more tight-lipped with them around. Less about depression. Less about drinking. Less about house-issues. Of course, not everyone has such a tidy little category of subjects that i would edit out for them and every once in a while someone surprises me — either with their investigative ability or their interest in my life. On those occasions i have to mentally remove them from the list and say “Well, now i know they’re reading.”
What the hell am i trying to say? Well, let’s just say this: my telepathy might not be quite up to snuff, but my ability to have people i’m trying to communicate telepathically with read my posts about failed telepathy without actually thinking about the ramifications of them reading not only those posts but also all other past and future posts about them … that ability seems to be working just fine.
Actually, i think that last post said it best…
There was this thing flying around next to my desk. A moth or something. Just flying around, doing its thing. It’s not as though i bore it any specific malice or anything, but it was a bug flying around in my room, you know? I grabbed hold of my Coldplay cd and swatted it down from mid-air — it fell, paralyzed, onto my printer.
Probably crushed its wings, i thought. Poor thing.
An entire Coldplay cd later and i still have the empty white box of blogger open trying to think of what to say when, out of my peripheral vision, i see something winging about to my left. I turn around and, sure enough, the thing is back.
I would still be lying on the printer. I swatted it down with the case of my next cd.
Poor thing.
Tuesday, and Philadelphia is thawing. Melting.
Snow provides the contrast on our world — in both directions. A cascade of white dusting over everything slowly reduces life into a study in light and dark, muting all of the inbetweens. And, as it slides off of the back roofs and trickles down the drains, the color slowly seeps back into daily life. Just as our pupils expand to respond to a lack of light in the room, and it feels like the aperture i have in my life for the outside world to effect me is desperately attempting to contract to defend against the vivid existence that today has re-introduced to me.
Here i was standing in the dark, and all of this color has caught me in the middle of a dilate … i was busy opening up, and now it’s just overwhelming. I can’t see past today at all.