btw, those two girls are my new roommates. should be interesting.
by krisis
With me there are intake phases, and output phases. They connect to everything. With writing music i will have a strong output stage where i’m not listening or learning anything unless i’m using it to directly focus back into my output of new songs and covers and things. The same goes for writing on the internet, or working on my webpage, or anything that could be construed as creative work. However, usually they don’t all line up. When i was busy writing new songs i wasn’t really in webdesign output-mode because i wouldn’t have the time to do both. But, somehow last month it all lined up over the course of the two or three days around the BlogAThon, which means now i’m all switched over to input and can hardly create anything. No designs, no new music, and it’s like pulling teeth to get me to blog something.
The more interesting switch that had been flicked somewhere along the way is the one where i used to be able to blog about anything, or nothing… especially nothing, but now i need some sort of inspiration or subject or hard kick in the pants to get me into this tiny white box. That switch was a gradual thing, and you can watch it happen if you read any length of the archives. The only thing is… it wasn’t really intentional, and i don’t think this spareness really represents what i meant to be doing, but neither did the constant rush of new post after new post with no respect for the ones that were scrolling off of the bottom of the page. Of course, my spareness obviously connects a little bit to my lack of output, but it makes me wonder where in the middle of my fifty three archived weeks i reached equilibrium, and how far back i have to track to get back to it.
Yeah, fifty three, i just counted. Because of weird archive-week math that doesn’t mean that i’ve really been here for an entire year, but we are six days away. Wow.
You would almost hope that if i wholly disappear for two days that i’m off experiencing something, unless maybe you are especially sadistic or disinterested – in which case you might be hoping that i’m having even more problems with my landlord or that my phone service was shut off. Either way you would be incredibly wrong, as the last 48hours of my life has generally involved a lot of boredom minus a couple of hours filled with jello shots.
Can i just discuss jello shots for a moment? They are colorful little bundles of deceptive joy. You swallow a jello shot and it doesn’t even hardly taste bad, and when someone offers you another one you gladly take it. And then, why not suggest a third? This all seems fine, but when people start groping for a fourth giggly cup of primary colour yumminess in under twenty minutes your brain should finally kick in and realize that all of that jello will eventually get melted down by your stomach, at which point the alcohol within would be released into your unsuspecting body.
So, that’s a word on jello shots.
I’m supposed to be making frantic last-minute arrangements to get my ass to folk-fest, and i am not. This is going to draw a lot of flack from a few friends of mine, but i honestly don’t care. I tried my bet to get involved with folk-fest and to make room in my schedule, and a certain friend decided i need to be on his committee and i had to leave early and stay late – and this was all well and good in theory, but everyone seems to forget that i work a full time job with full time pay and that i cannot just blow it off to live in a tent in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of hippy snobs who would string me up by my toes if they heard i skipped out on Erin McKoewn because i had tickets to go see Madonna. Long story short being that even in the middle of last week they were still expecting me to be at the fest until midnight on next Sunday, and even though they were willing to make exceptions for me i wasn’t interested in being the exceptions boy, so i’m not going.
I think i have all of that banality out of my system now. I just packed up a box of schoolbooks and papers and things that i never even touched this year, and i still have miles of clothes and sheet music and guitars and cds ahead of me. But, at least i’m not going to be stranded in careless folk-land for the entirety of the week, so i’ll actually have time to finish all of this.
Bleh, why did i even wake up?
That was quite a lot of melodrama for 3am, wasn’t it? The behind-the-story story is that i had just come from volunteering at the Philadelphia Folk Song Society and i was running a really high temperature but was somehow wired up and didn’t want to sleep. When i finally did go to sleep i sweat my fever out like a junky, and now i’m sortof in this disoriented haze. But, no chills, just haze. Furthermore, I’m at work, after calling out and deciding i was well enough to come in as long as i didn’t have to do any tour leading today. Bleh. Data entry here we come.
In closing, i’d like to state that that 2600 word blemish upon my collective level-headedness was all brought out by some aspect of this situation, but i won’t be able to explain it any better than that for another month, at least. I feel trapped in my own life, as always. But, at least i enjoy writing about it ;-)