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teevee

Grading The Voice: An Introduction

May 7, 2011 by krisis

I gave up television because of American Idol.

It’s true. It was 2004 and I was obsessed by it and angry with it. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I didn’t want to have that kind of relationship with television.

Despite giving up broadcast television entirely, I still followed Idol by way of video swatches through Season 8. There I felt like I saw the two halves of my musical taste duke it out on screen – the artistry and interpretation of Kris Allen versus the genre-bending showmanship of Adam Lambert.

That was it for me and Idol. I thought I’d finally be free of televised singing competitions.

Then, in the past week, I started to hear about The Voice. (Remember, I don’t have the benefit of TV commercials to inform me of these happenings. I read about it on the internets.)

Four relevant, millions-selling artist mentors meant be constructive rather than destructive in their search. A search not for comically bad auditions, or style over substance. but for a remarkable, memorable voice.

The Voice. Which, aside from original Idol Clarkson, Cowell and Co. have never truly managed.

The glowing reviews wore down my “no television” stance far enough that I sampled a smattering of auditions last night. I was completely blown away. Of the four I sampled, even the worst one was someone I’d consider buying an an entire album from.

It begs the question – can a voice be relevant without an image? What if one of the contestants has a face for radio, an issue presaged by that Buggles classic? What happens after the blind audition is over and a mentor gets stuck with someone fugly?

Begrudgingly, I was hooked enough to want to find out. I spent last night last night watching the first two episodes of this madcap show that’s a twisted concoction of X-Factor, Hollywood Squares, and The Dating Game.

The audition rounds fascinated me because the judges experienced the contestants the same way I listed to Idol for half a decade: blindly. I heard the songs on the internet without the hoopla of their sob stories, stage lights, and snarky judge comments. Someone might have had a pretty face and visual panache, but were they behind the beat? Did the big diva go flat on all of her major melisma moments? I noticed this stuff while watchers ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the stage show.

On the other side, I am these contestants. I’m a singer. I’m an artist who has spent many years trying to turn heads in my direction. I’ve tried subtlety and screaming. The results depend on the room.

The auditions of The Voice were a solid B. Despite a lot of repeated soundbites and constant awkward interruptions by a bumbling, arithmetic-spouting Carson Daly, the three hours of show flew by. Never too long with one contestant, just enough time in the undeniably magical presence of the mentors.

So which voice was The Voice? How do each of the judges’ teams stack up?

I’ll follow up with a post on each judge’s team to get you ready for the subsequent (scary-sounding) battle rounds.

Filed Under: reviews, teevee Tagged With: The Voice

Crushing On: Dollhouse, Season 2

December 13, 2010 by krisis

Let’s talk about how much I love this crazy promo image, which evokes Jim Steranko comic art for me.

I have a vendetta against television.

It stems from my pre-adolescent years. I had such a television schedule – every night a list of can’t-miss shows. I remember once, for a social studies class, we had to furnish a full schedule of our television viewing habits. Mine was absurd – 6:30 to 12:30 on some nights.

Eventually the internet and guitar supplanted all but Buffy and X-Files, and I’ve never gone back to appointment television since the pair went off the air. In fact, we don’t even have broadcast teevee in our house – a fact oft-lamented by co-workers and friends.

(Frankly, I think that makes people look a little… uh… unintellectual. Just putting that out there. Can you really not live without cable and the evening news?)

The thing about television is it doesn’t keep its promises. You might go all in for a show that starts really strong. Well, like a first album from a new artist, those show creators had their whole freaking lives to dream up that strong start. What’s the season finale going to be like? Season two? Season nine?

Point being, if the latter years of a show are going to suck, why bother investing at the start? That’s my new philosophy – I want to see a proven track record of excellence at least three seasons deep before I’ll deign to sample something. Otherwise, you just get burnt (Heroes) when a series can’t stick (Glee) the landing (Battlestar), or meanders on too long (ER).

Eliza Dushku is much more watchable in the second season, partially because she doesn’t have to carry entire episodes on her shoulders, but also because Sierra (Dichen Lachman) and, especially, Victor (Enver Gjokaj) are doing some extraordinary supporting work.

I watched the first season of Dollhouse on Hulu and found it mostly inert despite a thrilling concept and solid supporting cast. With that in mind, and with Joss Whedon’s accumulated good will in full effect, recently E and I watched the first three episodes of Dollhouse Season Two on Netflix streaming.

They sucked. They were stultifyingly bad and, since Dollhouse had relatively little good faith from me to begin with, I wrote the series off as dead (putting a dent into Joss’s good will).

Thankfully, this weekend E cajoled me into watching the fourth episode and… well… WOW.

Dollhouse went from borderline-embarrassing to an insane five-episode sprint into total must-watch madness of genre-bending plots, double-crossing paranoia, and restructuring the entire concept of the show – answering the unsettling promise of the season one “Epitaph” DVD-only episode.

The show finally gets around to asking the question underlying its premise: if you can change the architecture of the mind, what’s stopping you from bending the entire world to your whim? And, what happens when dissension in the ranks leads to two different whims? Would anyone be able to call their mind their own?

Admittedly, after the five stellar episodes it took a brief break and then pushed through a rushed two-part finale. But that quintet, plus the heart-rending epilogue, are some of the strongest television I’ve selectively watched in the past few years. The supporting cast is scorching and Eliza Dushku, freed from carrying the show on her own, is much more compelling than in the first season.

If you gave up on Dollhouse after the first season, please nab the final disc of season one and then take a chance on season two.

Filed Under: Crushing On, teevee Tagged With: Dollhouse, Joss Whedon

Conan O’Brien, Tina Fey, and The Chuck Norris Rural Policeman Handle

June 8, 2010 by krisis

Okay, this is the last one, I promise.

(Seriously, if this had happened on television I wouldn’t care at all, but it happened in real, physical space and I want to share it with you because it was just ridiculous.)

Photo via my lovely date for the evening, @brimil

A recurring theme of “The Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour” was all of the things Conan O’Brien isn’t allowed to do. He joked that not only is he prohibited from being funny on television until September, but he is prohibited from appearing on TV entirely and so are similar likenesses, such as Johnny Neutron and (hilariously) Tilda Swinton.

Conan made a big deal over wanting to do his “Walker Texas Range Lever” bit for the tour even though NBC may hold the rights to that title. So, he instead presented “The Chuck Norris Rural Policeman Handle.” Each pull of the handle produced a riotously out-of-context Norris clip.

After pulling the handle for a few choice clips on his own, he brought out Tina Fey to do the honors. Except, Tina’s clips weren’t so much hilarious as they were disturbing…

The best part is Tina’s face after the third clip at 4:21. Priceless.

Visit the “Legally Prohibited” tour Wikipedia page for the full list of guest appearances. Only the LA and NYC shows manage to trump Tina Fey and Trey Anastasio as special guests (the first night in Radio City Music Hall featured the ridiculous array of Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Paul Rudd, Bill Hader, John Krasinski, and Vampire Weekend).

Considering I originally bought my quartet of tickets to scalp for a profit to Conan-obsessed fanboys, I’d say that my attending the show and witnessing all of these hijinks this would be the highlight of my year if I wasn’t buying a house in seven days. And this is coming from someone who just jumped out of a plane and was almost murdered by pine barren monsters.

Filed Under: concerts, teevee, video

The More You Know (featuring Tina Fey)

June 8, 2010 by krisis

Things I have learned about myself in the past 24 hours:

  1. Being able to walk six miles in 72 minutes has no bearing on being to run at all for any length of time.
  2. Every jog must begin with the theme from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or “Hypnotize” by Notorious BIG.
  3. Mid-jog rallies should be set to “Build Me Up Buttercup” for maximum effectiveness.
  4. I have a LONG way to go before I’m ready for that triathlon I claim to be doing in August.
  5. My hair is awesome.
  6. Wait, I knew that one already.
  7. Oh, here’s a new one:

    I will unleash the most primal, gut-wrenching, OMG-it’s-the-Beatles! scream if Tina Fey suddenly appears in the same room as me.

    Conan & Tina backstage @ The Tower, swiped from Conan’s blog.

    Usually I am pretty cautious about my voice at shows, using only my particular (and well-supported) soprano wail for cheering purposes. However, last night when Conan O’Brien welcomed Tina Fey onto the stage at the Tower Theatre (making her entrance performing the cheer of what will be my neighborhood high school in eight short days, no less) I completely lost my mind.

    And my voice. I can’t especially talk right now.

    Allow me to repeat: I was in the same room as Tina Fey. TINA FEY.

    (And let the record show that my crush on Tina Fey predates 30 Rock ENTIRELY. I have been in love with her since her first SNL “Weekend Update.” Ask Erika.)

In other news, I have to buy one of those armband iPod holders, because my underwear is not a proper home for my music collection.

Filed Under: concerts, fitness, memories, Philly, teevee

Our Battlestar Galactica Halloween as Baltar & Head Six

November 1, 2009 by krisis

Last night E and I dressed up as Head Six and Dr. Gaius Baltar, respectively, from the cult Sci-Fi hit Battlestar Galactica.

Head SixDr. Gaius Baltar

E is not in Six’s standard spaghetti-strap dress, but Six can be spotted in this style at least once in the series.

Baltar & Six

Also, note the spot-on bracelet and ring, which E made herself.

Six & Baltar, enamored

My costume was much more subtle, as I was effectively E’s accessory for the night. I simply grew some scruff and slicked back my hair. For fun, I carried two corner-cut Vice-Presidential memos (as we were ostensibly circa seasons one and two – post appointment to VP, but pre swearing-in as president).

Six, hand of God

One memo was the results of tests with the Cylon Detector. The other was a draft of Gaius’s inaugural speech, complete with parenthetical asides to Head Six (presumably floating over his shoulder in devilish fashion as he wrote it). Writing in the Dr. Baltar voice was very fun.

Out of two parties four people knew who we were. The best comment we received was by far:

I’m not sure who you are, but you both look really sexy. You should introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m sexy.”

Oh, and SyFy – né Sci-Fi – the purveyors of the show we paid homage to, thought we were “Awesome!”

‘Nuff said.

Filed Under: elise, memories, parties, stories, teevee, Year 10

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