Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

Creative

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As it turns out, “Splinter” was in charge of this whole new-songs conspiracy, because somehow of my 125+ song collection it benefited the most from my semester of voice lessons. The once breathy and lightweight vocals have turned into howls comparable to the ones in “Hold On Me,” and the big sustained D near the end has suddenly become a note i’m not scared of (after crescendoing on a tied whole-note D all semester in “Satin Doll” my songs suddenly aren’t as intimidating to sing). So, yes, “Splinter” was hoping to get my attention and as a reward it’s going to be played tonight. Otherwise i’m still a little undecided about my set, because it’s supposed to be a short set so i’m trying to balance new material with patentedly catchy songs so i don’t simply suck. Right now it’s looking like “No Second Chance,” “Splinter,” “tired of sex,” “Up & Down,” “the trouble with poets,” “Never Say Goodbye,” which means i’m definitely not repeating any material from my first appearance (as if anyone would notice). My hope is that if i can contrive show up four different time with four radically different sets of original material they’ll have no qualms about bringing me back even though i don’t really like to play covers.

I get the feeling “Under My Skin” is going to be very jealous… this is the first time it’s been intentionally left out, ever. Life goes on, i suppose.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3967359/

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lazy summer heat is slowly seeping into my pores because it always distributes evenly to where things are cool because that’s how science works. i am listless with heat, waking up abruptly from crucial points in my technicolor-bright dreams to glittering sun bathing my entire bed in gilded rays. last night there were three story double homes with bay windows in the third floor bedroom and i remember hugging someone very tightly to me and something strange lurking in the basement that i knew all about as a narrator but nothing about as a character. and then i was flying, weaving inbetween buildings and up and over and out into sky and that’s about as much as i recall about that.

today i really do have work to do, but the page was looking sort of lonely. read that last post, if you haven’t already. but, anyway i just realized today that i haven’t played “under my skin” since i played it for rabi or at the bar and i think i somehow got past it or something and that scares me, because that song was all about everything. have you been paying much attention to the new songs? they’re conspiring against me and my album and i think they might have kidnapped “relief” because i haven’t heard anything from it for a while. i think “splinter” is in charge of the whole conspiracy even though it doesn’t show up too much, because it’s very jealous about not getting on the album and it knows that gina really likes it and oh god now i’m talking about my songs like they’re people just like tori amos does but i always just explain that away with the fact that she did too many low-quality l.a. drugs in the 80’s but i’ve never even been to nebraska so i’m obviously just crazy to begin with.

the songs are sortof like people though. after you play something enough you begin to develop a relationship with it; some days you dress it up special and some days it barely rolls out of bed and some days it just doesn’t want to have it’s picture taken and it’s holding its hands up in front of its face and complaining. the scary thing is that the new songs are doing this now, as they’re written. that last one flaunted its independence right at me saying “you can’t end me unless i want to be ended, so keep on writing” and i did and it takes up way more pages in my little grey book than any of the other songs do but now that it made me write it all down it doesn’t really seem to want to be played, which confuses me to no end. i don’t think i really realized that all of my songs are relationship songs until gina pointed it, and now i seem to be able to write everything else but it’s like hitting a new note for the first time because i can’t tell if they’re strong or if they just seem very nice because i’ve never heard them before.

if you were wondering, this is just how my head is working lately. i wrote a 2300 word email last night without even really intending to. it’s like when i open up my head things just come pouring out until it’s empty again. but, anyway, this post is just a post for the sake of being here in this little box, so i again defer to the intelligence of the last post and wish you all have a nice day.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3950354/

Trio: Season 1, #19/20

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Trio. Wow. Bad. Okay.

So, i’m uploading the first bad one and the second bad one, because they’re bad for totally different reasons and between the two of them you can almost see the good that i intended. In the first one i’ve got too much voice and too much guitar and it’s all just much too much, and in the second one i don’t have much voice left at all despite having solved the other issues – but the voice makes a big difference. Fuck. Now i’m not going to be able to hit my high note tomorrow for practice-juries. Or, is that today… I’m such a stubborn little fucker. Trio will be the death of me, i’m sure of it.

Reccomended: Trio A – Tired Of Sex (Weezer), Up & Down, Buildings and Bridges (Ani), The Trouble with Poets (Mulvey), Lost (original key)

Not For the Faint of Heart or Ear: Trio B – The Trouble with Poets (Mulvey), Lost (original key), Up & Down, Tired of Sex (Weezer)

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#17 is true. A girl kissed me aproximately 3 years, 2 months, and 2 hours after when i originally asked a girl if she’d kiss me.


Of course, i always remember wanting to kiss girls, from when i was very little. When i was five we went to Disney World, and there was one rather boring ride on a boat and i just remember that the most adorable girl was sitting across from me but i was afraid to look right at her because i felt like she would immediately know i was staring at her and i’d look like some dorky little five year old just smiling dumbly at the cutest six year old ever. So, yeah, i was setting up for romantic disaster very early on in life.


Anyhow, the girl who never kissed me was Juliana, and while i didn’t ask her to kiss me outright i would like to point out that our faces were very near to each other and it had never crossed my mind to kiss anyone ever before then in such an immediate fashion. So, while the actual question posed was whether or not she’d ever consider going on a date with me, it was only asked because the question we’re focusing on had been asked and answered in that are faces were still just near to each other. But, anyhow, we just wound up sharing lip gloss, and the rest is history.


As for my first kiss, it’s a topic i dance around constantly on this log without ever actually talking about it, because i talked about it entirely too much when it first happened. As you can easily see, i have no concept of secrets when it comes to myself so i didn’t think to keep my mouth shut about kissing someone – never thinking about if the someone would prefer me to keep my mouth just slightly less ajar than it was. I suppose it would have been better if i just continued to watch the replay of it in my head and not replay it for everyone else, but decisions are decisions and no one was hurt by any of it and life goes on (without us ever ever kissing again). So… no links to point you towards for this one, but if you’re a regular reader i’ll tie it all together for you; these three events coincide: first kiss, new years 2000, & “under my skin.”


Happy now?

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/06/3881170/

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For a while there was a flicker of light reflected on my change jar that seemed just the right red and gold to be the reflection of a fire, but after a thorough examination of the room to ascertain that there was an absence of flame i realized it was sunlight flitting through the trees outside my bedroom window. Today i feel like a flicker of something; hoping that i’m not outrightly extinguished yet sometimes blooming full and hot. I was too distracted to sing during my lesson today, but then i focused for half a minute to produce two notes that Becky thinks were my best ever. Inconsistent. I don’t think i did much at work today, but no one seems to mind. Tonight the sky is turning from blue to blue with the tiniest band of green on the horizon, and my neighbors yellowed kitchen light is peering around my crimsony sheet draped across the window. Everything is colors, but the fire in this room has gone away and left it black and white and gray.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/05/3864767/