I sure can say a lot while avoiding saying what’s on my mind.
I figure if i keep interspersing these short ones, the longer ones won’t seem so bad ;)
meta
I could just keep writing.
Do you remember when it used to be like that? Just me and the computer, and no obsessiveness about readability or narrative voice or spacing out my posts? Just me and my unending stream of consciousness? It’s so different now… now i am worried that this will mean that you’re not reading the things i spent time on. Quality. I never used to have a concept of quality, just a concept of what i wanted to say. Now i let posts languish on the main page for a day at a time to make sure it’s good and read before the next one arrives — i want to increase the signal and decrease the noise. But, it doesn’t feel anything like i remember. Nothing like it at all.
How did i manage to forget what i wanted to say? Now writing an update every fifteen minutes, or even on the hour … it seems like insanity. I can type a lot of words in fifteen minutes, and i can hit publish a lot of times in an hour. I suppose i’m afraid that it’s not the sheer me of the writing that is interesting, but the time and careful effort that i put into it. I have become afraid to just say what i think. The crux of the matter is that i am looking for a different kind of recognition now, one that is very intrinsically linked to quality rather than to quantity. Only, maybe there was some quality to it, you know? Something right about just writing until i ran out of thoughts of things to say.
I don’t really remember what my life was like fifteen months ago; i can’t remember how it felt day to day. But, the words are all there, to prove that it happened. So, i suppose i just want to prove that this is happening, you know?
Damnit, i’m much too tired to do this metaphorical bullshit effectively. Anyway, i have to go to class. Blagh.
I don’t really have a defined audience for this little escapade, you know? It’s just intended for anyone who wanders in off of the proverbial virtual street. I don’t say much about myself on my About page, i don’t have any “definitive” posts (though i do have a multi-thousand word “Best Of” section), and i don’t tend to give much background other than a backlink here or there — so it’s really up to the reader to define me through my words. I never really think about the introduction of a new reader to my page… how they define their context of me, or what they like about what i’m saying. They’re reading, so they must like something, right?
What i do have, though, is a little mental check-list of people who aren’t reading. My mother. My associates in the Admissions Office. My roommates. It’s not as though i’m saying things that i wouldn’t ever let them hear, but i would probably be a little bit more tight-lipped with them around. Less about depression. Less about drinking. Less about house-issues. Of course, not everyone has such a tidy little category of subjects that i would edit out for them and every once in a while someone surprises me — either with their investigative ability or their interest in my life. On those occasions i have to mentally remove them from the list and say “Well, now i know they’re reading.”
What the hell am i trying to say? Well, let’s just say this: my telepathy might not be quite up to snuff, but my ability to have people i’m trying to communicate telepathically with read my posts about failed telepathy without actually thinking about the ramifications of them reading not only those posts but also all other past and future posts about them … that ability seems to be working just fine.
Actually, i think that last post said it best…
Seeing as i was ten-shades of jilted out of a 2002 Bloggie nomination (especially considering that one of the nominees in my category predictably withdrew his name for a second year in a row), i have resolved to use my vote for the forces of good… i am only voting in categories where i have seen a reasonable representation of all five blogs (six for the big award) in question. In some cases this involved me doing a few dozen minutes of reading for the one (or four) sites in a category i had never read before, and in the process i started developing some running commentary.
First, i might not be a huge fan, but say it ain’t so, Firda! Much like Best-European nominee Prolific, Firda has been a nearly constant inhabitant of the periphery of blogging for me, and it would be terrible to see her go. Hopefully someone without a maxed out credit card will save her.
In the Best Article category i am absolutely torn: an article close to my heart about Journalism and Blogging, the academic history of blogging, or an adorable article about Pyra-founder MegNut? My views on Journalism won out on this one, though not in the way you might have suspected: the compelling writing in Rebecca Mead’s article won out in the end over academic material that i found more personally relevant.
I love all of the Best European sites (especially Meg, the first person to ever link me), but the bits of My Blue House that i browsed through were absolutely beautiful … in writing and in design. It’s an excellent mix of life and linking, and i intend to visit again in the near future. Ditto on Daily Sardonicism, which i suspect i might have voted for as Best Weblog after spending an hour reading … it is belly-achingly tear-jerkingly excellent, especially coming from someone only two-and-a-half years older than i am. Melly got my vote hands-down for Best Kept Secret, though i couldn’t help but vote EastWest for best cam after this priceless post.
I was honestly surprised to see bluishorange show up only in the Best Design category, especially considering that it is widely read and was nominated for SxSW last year. It was honestly my choice for Best American, but i am happy to announce that Alison manages to be my favourite entry into this category as well … every design of hers that i have ever seen has been smart, vivid, and appealing — especially the one she sported for the majority of the year (although i have to say i almost erred on the side of sharply designed Powazek Productions at the last minute).
Best Temporary Log … 16 whiney webloggers all writing umpteen banal posts a day about navel gazing and purity scores … or …. 12 mysterious webloggers and 4 snarky commenters all trying to expose the others – metaphorically or physically, as the case may have been. I realize some of the other nominees might have been “better” (though SurvivorBlog2 certainly isn’t amongst them), but PuppetMaster not only kept me entertained all summer long, it was featured in freakin’ Entertainment Weekly! And, it’s on my resume… i think the least i can do is vote for it.
Okay, okay, here’s what we’ve all been waiting for: Best Non-Weblog Content. My category. Just so you realize the high standard i’m holding these nominees up to, they have to compete with my twenty-some live Trios, fifty-four mp3’s posted during Blog-A-Thon, and still-in-progress archive of song lyrics and accompanying audio. In light of my admittedly high standards, I had planned to vote for Noah Grey, because he’s an artist and truly amazing. However, he withdrew his name from competition in all categories. I wish i could write in fellow photographer Tom in his place, since that’s who i was planning on endorsing in lieu of myself. Alas, an alternate is not a possibility, and so here are my opinions of the four remaining contestants.
Opine Bovine offers a smattering of distractions that aren’t nearly as compelling as the witty blog they’re attached to, though i definitely appreciate virtual cocktails given my current state of sobriety. Kevin presents a wonderful virtual truck-load of toys in various states of completion, but they all fall under his title of “Programming God” rather than “Content King,” and i voted for them as such in the appropriate category. Davezilla comes through with his well-linked “Empire of Doom,” including an invaluable Guide to BachelorHood. Bloggie creator Nikolai Nolan creates an impeccably designed and independent feature every month (possibly to make up for his utter lack of a weblog?).
Honestly, none of the four pieces of “content” struck me as particularly life-altering in the face of various poetry, music, and photography nominated elsewhere. Bovine got a laugh out of me, i spent the most time surfing at DaveZilla, Nikolai is the most Trio-like in independence and regularity, and KevRock is the one i read regularly. So, who did i vote for? No one. I obviously have a strong bias in this category… and, anyway, had i voted earlier i would’ve voted for Noah ;)
So, there are some of my personal reactions to the Bloggies ballot, however biased they might be. There are a slew of excellent blogs that made the final cut of nominations that are obviously deserving of your readership if you take the time to click through to them rather than just voting for your favourites, which we are all so very apt to do. I wish i could say that i spent an hour reading each blog, but of the ones that i did spend time with i will once again highly recommend that you read a few of Daily Sardonicism‘s recommended posts (via her sidebar). I could not stop reading.
I wish all of the nominees the best of luck, as i know that everyone puts a lot of blood and guts into their logs. And, may the best blogs win.