I used to have psychic dreams pretty regularly, but eventually my ability to fly replaced the premonitions. They were small and unimportant visions anyway, and they always came to me in an obscure enough fashion that i was never really sure of what i knew until i saw it happening in real life. But, i can’t fly rather than walking to work, so ultimately knowing just what flying feels like is a curse more than a blessing.
And knowing that Jessica’s hair would be blue ahead of when she told me she thought non-platonic meant what platonic means was actually rather amusing, in a way that distracted me from the biting pain of another romantic blunder.
Personal
The loins of my beloved highschool seem to have produced yet another blogger in Brendan, who has all of that tech cred i keep attempting to gain but isn’t even going to school to put it to good use. To prove how collectively demented and omnisexual our highschool made us when it comes to being starfucking gradegrubbing whores, here’s a snippet of conversation about the aforementioned attending of next year’s SxSW:
Brendan: I don’t know where I’d stay. It wouldn’t matter, though; I’d be, like, “Oooh, cool internet people! They’re almost like celebrities!”
Me: Yeah, well, my goal is to be on the verge of celebrity by then, and then just pretend to be (Ernie/KevRock)’s boywhore until everyone starts to notice me
Brendan: That’d work.
Brendan: I could be Ernie/whomever’s rented armcandy, or something.
There’s my quality pre-collegiate liberal arts education hard at work. I love me those Blue-Ribbon School of Excellence Magnet Schools. Mmm-mmmm good.
The last time i posted something like that was in the same archive week during which i met Selina. Moral? Possibly that i should buy a lot of fortune cookies tomorrow and amend “in bed” to them all to make sure they’re giving me an accurate reading.
I am not liking people very much right now.
I do this about once a month, which makes it sorta my version of PMS on as-of-yet i have no chemical and harmonal imbalances to blame it on. Basically, all of the people in my life just start to feel like cardboard cutouts and Gap manequins that i don’t really have a ton of emotion tied up in, and i’m not sure if it’s because i don’t communicate with anyone well enough or if they were 2-dimensional and posed to begin with. Right about now i almost wish that Blogger was just a major metro city and all the happy little bloggy people i talk to were just down Market street or across the river or something, because i’m not even remotely talking to more than one or two of my actual friends on a regular full-disclosure basis. Shall we take a head-count? I have the theatre crowd who i keep swearing off and rejoining, and the admissions/drexel crowd who i go incommunicado with even though they’re genuinely nice people, and the music crowd that suddenly turned into one big couples vacation, and the highschool crowd who i never see, and after all that i’m just feeling crowded and there aren’t really any individual people in there just bunches. Like grapes. Do you ever see a bunch of grapes and stare at one and say “i want to buy that bunch of grapes so i can eat that one very special grape?”
And, to make this all just as pathetic as it is annoying, i claim to be feeling more lonely than usual as of late. I think i just need one certain person (not necessarily romantically) to be cool and nice and not dramatic to get me through this bitter little stretch, but i don’t know who they are. Sadly, they can’t be Benjy or Nancy or Rabi or any other internet person i talk to more than i talk to my actual friends, because this person needs to be actual and physically available to do things with. And, the sad thing is, i have people who would be that person for me, but i’m not totally interested in being that person for them. Of course, this is just a symptom of bigger issues, like my grass-is-greener kind of capriciousness where i hop from interest to interest without ever delving into anything… only instead of albums and hobbies we’re talking about fleshy & feeling people. I can tell if this has been developing ever since my last ditching of the theatre crowd and ignoring all of my other friends for Selina, or if this is a direct result of having just gone through an “acquire” phase where all the people i really like consistently got shelved like cds from last fall, but either way i”m here with this constantly compiling mass of new people, and new things, and new music, and i just hate all of it.
I wish someone would formally diagnose me with some of the problems i’m a walking case-study for so i don’t feel quite so self-concious and insipid talking about them here, but what is blogger if it isn’t the pop-psychologist that doesn’t talk back for the inner only-child of us all?
Actually, i think that might make you the internet’s Grace Under Fire, because on Suddenly Susan i think you’d probably play the man-hopping red-head who they ripped off from the secretary on NewsRadio rather than the clumsy dumb-luck lead of Susan. Not that you man-hop or anything, but Vicky was definitely the most sarcastic cast member and as a bonus she has that great propensity for incredibly loud clothing. I was thinking that CK might be Seinfeld because it’s not really about anything and i was trying to explain what it was about to a random friend this weekend and failed miserably. However, based on my general aura of banality and my relentless guest-appearances on other blogs, i think i’m much closer to The Weber Show. Blech. But, better than Charles in Charge, i suppose.