Crushing Krisis

Comic Books, Drag Race, & Life in New Zealand

memories

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I take everything awful i said about that RadioHead album back. i was just at a party (you know, partying), and it came on, and suddenly it made more sense to me than anything else in the universe. It crawled into my ear and now i don’t think it’s going to leave my head. And, now i’m here with my cd’s and i have nothing that can put me where that cd was headed… nothing. I have half a mind to download it all right now… do you see how awful this is for me? Instead i’ll just turn on the bubble lamp. Remind me tomorrow to tell you about all the jogging i did tonight

https://crushingkrisis.com/2001/01/1825974/

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I just did the most violent thing… picked up a pair of scissors and chopped off my hair. When it was long… a ponytail creeping down my back… it didn’t really matter if i cut a half inch or so off of the end to keep it looking fresh. But, ever since i did the big chop-off in august (it all came off) i’ve been saying that i want to get to a moderate length and then scale back to something short but hip. I somehow managed to get there all on my own, with all of my adorable curls piled on top of my head in some sort of hippy afro while i was down in Fl. But, ever since that one good hair day, it’s been plainly too long to get piled on my head, and it was weighing all of the curls down so that all i was left with was friz. Today i jumped in the shower and ran my hair through it and thought … “maybe just clip the ends a little.” When i got out of the shower, the resolve had turned to something more like “make sure it won’t get into my eyes.” And then it became…. get this junk off of my head. A quick jog to Amy’s later (she cleaned up the back of it) and now i have an impromptu cut for the New Year. Not nearly as sexy as the hip style i managed to get last year on the Eve, but it’ll do. The violence felt good.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1823121/

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The majority of that prolonged absence was taken up by a lot of traipsing around with Amy & Liz that involved one snowed in basketball court, two trips to 7-11, three slip and fall accidents, and a host of other fun events like Amy kicking snow in my face after i fell on the ground. Afterwards we repaired to Amy’s to eat nachos and watch her Ben Folds Five video, which we do every time i’m over there. There’s so much liquor lying around in her kitchen waiting for tomorrow night i almost got drunk looking at it. She bought this enormous jug of SkyVodka just for us to do shots of, or something. Obviously i won’t be blogging much tomorrow night…

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1814294/

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Speaking of god, today i saw in religion everything i don’t like about it. All of the families in my aunt’s parish flocked to church on Christmas Eve, so much so that the church was holding two simultaneous services at once to accommodate the rush. This alone was telling; on any given Sunday the church is no more than halfway full yet the Christmas season twists everyone’s arm and they all show up to look good in the eyes of their neighbors and god. Secondly, the parish is almost entirely composed of families with children under ten years of age, yet despite this the service was as long and dull as any other church service and made no attempt to accommodate the children in the room that easily outnumbered the adults.

Church has always been a silly and irrelevant thing to me, and that view has always put me at odds with the rest of my entirely catholic family. I just never got the point of doing something every week that you took no pleasure in, and that was so stodgy that it never bent to accommodate the ever-changing crowd that attended. To the church’s credit, at the service today there was a whole gang of people with guitars and basses who accompanied all of the songs, and the long readings of scripture were kept tidy and relevant, but still i don’t feel as though anyone in the room could have possibly been re-affirmed by what went on.

I’ve always been a sucker for small Baptist congregations that welcome you with open arms and clap madly when they sing their hymnals. The way i see it, why not have a smile on your face while you’re in the house of God? Of course, God and I have some issues other than a bit of smiling, but i think after all these year’s she’s managed to respect my avoidance of church service as much as i’ve managed to grudgingly respect those who attend every week with their faces set in stone.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1763377/

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So, i think i’m encountering some extremely disturbing male relative of a “maternal instinct” lately. Tonight i spent Christmas Eve with my father’s side of the family, which is populated with five separate children aged 3-5 (by contrast, i was the only child of the family for over a decade before the next oldest cousin came along). While all of my cousins are usually fun to run and throw around, tonight i was a bit partial to my cousin Audrey. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that she’s the only blonde in our family, or because she’s the least baby-shaped of all the young kids, or because she has a personality (rather than the black & white shy/happy most children have), or anything else, but i find myself absolutely delighted whenever she decides that i’m worthy of her attention. After ignoring me for about three hours tonight, she decided that she absolutely needed to sit next to me and watch Winnie-the-Pooh for an hour, during the course of which i wasn’t allowed to get up or even move to the other side of the chair. Afterwards i was allowed to fetch myself some dessert if and only if i’d share it with her.

Now, obviously my rampant & irrational fear of herpes doesn’t come into play when sharing my fork with a four year old, but i still very rarely share anything with my cousins because i don’t want to get sick. I’m very healthy on my own, but generally my immune system falls like a house of cards in the wind whenever i introduce it to germs from some other person. Despite all of that, i sat on the couch with Audrey with the two of us alternately feeding ourselves and each other until my pile of dessert had disappeared. At some point my father captured the moment on 35mm film to be frozen forever, but i hardly noticed him doing it because i was more concerned with spooning up some strawberry sauce for Audrey.

My whole family thought that the whole affair was simply adorable (and very considerate of me), but really i didn’t have the urge to do anything else but sit there the whole time. Perhaps i was just sick of chasing everyone around the room and giving them piggy back rides, but i think it went beyond that. Audrey wanted to sit there with me, and only me, and she rested her head on my shoulder and idly toyed with the curly wisps of my hair, and it made me feel more special than any performance or audition or hits on my page ever will.

https://crushingkrisis.com/2000/12/1763249/